I fall down hard; 60 kgs and counting, plus the cares of the world stuck on my back, we come crashing down of God’s earth.
It shakes, but it does not break.
I lie still, not moving, not breathing for a while.
The view from the here seems familiar. I know this place. I know this feeling. I have cried these hot tears brewing at the back of my throat, the front of my chest.
This scent, defeat, I know it well. For all my best intentions, I am back at the place I was before. This cycle never ends.
I lie still, not moving, crushed and burning on god’s good earth.
Turns out that the world is a treacherous place, that words often spoken in the dark, in hushed tones between lovers hearts are just words, and agreements made in broad daylight in offices backed by currency are just intentions that are mostly negated, and that for all the will in the world, the pursuit of my happiness on stage and in life is connected to individuals outside my desire or ability to control.
The loneliness weighs heavy on me, as heavy as a leaf must be to a team of ants. Nothing could be more monumental.
I lie still, not moving, crushed and burnt out on this unyielding earth.
Gravity denies me the freedom to soar in the sky where we laugh in sunshine and speak in Technicolor.
A sequence appears in my head. On loop. its goes...
Let it burn. Breathe deep. Stay still. Elevate. Upgrade.
I do not know what it means, but my weary heart desires reprieve.
Please be so.
